Some Thoughts On Allan Hunsperger

Prepare to get smacked in the face with my baseball bat of truth.

Here’s the pitch: A year ago a guy- who as it happens is a Pastor/Priest/Funny Hat Guy- makes a post on his blog about his feelings on homosexuals, which boil down to “If you’re gay, you’re going to spend an eternity being tortured for it in a lake of fire.” How Christian of him.

Here’s how I imagine he thinks of it:

Archangel Gabriel: “GOD! We fucked up, there’s a bug in humanity!”

God: “MOTHERFUCK. What is it this time, are they still spontaneously combusting?”

Gabe: “Well, yes, but less now. But also, a significant percentage of them have a manufacturing defect where they want to have sex with people of the same gender.”

God: “ME DAMN IT. Listen, it’s too late to fix it now, the order has already shipped. 800 billion humans are on a truck bound for Earth, so we’re going to have to think of something.”

Gabe: “What about that book you’re writing?”

God: “My novel? I guess I could Ayn Rand some shit in about these... uh... we’ll call them ‘Gays’ because this is totally gay- and hope that thousands of years from now a bunch of noble crusaders will make internet posts treating the broken ones as less than human.”

Gabe: “BRILLIANT. Now what do you want to do about those ‘Jews’?”

God: “That’s what the crazy moustache guy was for. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go send my only son to get nailed to a giant lowercase ‘t’ because I love the properly assembled humans.”

When does something become hate speech and not just free speech? When is it discrimination? Because this guy is running for public office, and while his party leader has promised they will not legislate based on social issues, he doesn’t just become a different person when he gets elected. He will make decisions based on his personal beliefs because THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO, and this could lead to a conflict of interest- what if a homosexual constituent needs his help? What if a homosexual’s company is bidding for a government contract?

So you believe gays should be tortured for an eternity for being gay, the same as if they were rapists and murderers? As if they were adulterers, thieves, slanderers, and liars? I believe that a ‘just’ God would throw you in with them.

The difference between being Christian and Christ-like is simple: A Christian is a member of a book club, while somebody who is Christ-like actually read the book. You’re no better than the Pharisees your saviour struggled with, caught up in traps of words and morals, completely missing the messages of peace and tolerance. Turn the other cheek and accept that gays are and always have been part of the human race. We have much more important shit to deal with.

Also, I vote we start calling this kind of thing "Hunsperger Syndrome", just because.